Karma Knocked and I Answered...Shit

After my run in with the restaurant manager last night, it was only a matter of time before Karma showed herseld. I had every right to let him have it after he decided to code my receipt "Upset Lady" but Karma disagrees. Went to Walmart this morning for lunches and water. Had no trouble while in the store but then I went to lift the case of water ito the car. Are you wondering where my lovely husband was?? Sleeping at 11:30am, of course. That's normal for a grown person...anyhooooo. When I lifted the case of water from the cart, I felt a shocking pain down the left side of my back. Sigh, Karma. Drove the majority of the way home cursing like a sailor/truck driver. Finally called my lovely husband and gave him a piece of my mind. Bitched at him some more when I got home. Finally resolved to stop bitching and watch football. Go Jets (only because the Giants are playing)!! Thank you Karma for a fun filled day of joy, joy, joy!


Emily

P.S. Lovely means shitty. I learned that on Dallas Divas & Daughters on Bravo, A&E, TLC...one of those stations.

What's in a New Yawk Accent ?

Just got off the phone with a woman in Bayside (Queens) and almost cried. I cradled my phone like a baby and teared up. She sounded just like Mom, my mother in law!! For an instant, I could remember what bagels and pizza taste like. Gino's dressing...sigh...that dressing is everything. Slowly reality crept back in and I realized that drool coming out of my mouth the smell and taste of pizza were not real. Double Sigh Sigh.

It is amazing what the sound of a stranger's voice can do to a person. It transported me back and I was loving it. Then I remembered pizza and bagels are a carb festival  make up the best food group on Earth!!  Send me foooood, I am wasting away to a size double 00...seriously, the food here is amazing and I am not wasting away. But please send me one bagel, a slice of pie, temp tee cream cheese, dr. browns black cherry, ginos dressing, corned beef, pastrami, jewish rye, pad thai, cannolli, cassada (not a clue how it is spelled) cake, cheesecake, 7-11 coffee (toffee flavor), hot dogs with slaw and potato salad from that deli in great neck oh and their knish, burger & caramel apple shake from cheeburger cheeburger in pt washington,  salad and blueberry waffles from quantum leap in fresh meadows, everything on jewish main street & chinese main street especially Pita Hot, Queens Pita, bubble tea and soup....

Don't send me any of that (subliminal message: send it send it send it!!!) I really don't need it.

Emily

Life Lessons Learned in Charlotte

1) Gucci (any name brand can be inserted) is not the most important thing in the world...but if you buy me one, I won't refuse it. :D

2) Believe in a higher power! If it's G-d, Jesus, Buddha or Mother Nature, believe in in it. I think this lesson came from my boss. She is a beautiful woman from Jersey who is slightly evangelist & living in Charlotte. She proclaims things in Jesus' name and magically shit happens. Awesome. I love it.

3) Be yourself. If people don't like you then mace them fuck it.

4) Eat with the seasons. Amy taught me this one, thank you! Her grandparents eat what is in season and have lived healthy lives. Yay Yams!!

5) Crockpot is the best invention ever

6) WalMart rocks

7) There are no 7-11's here. Sigh. Miss my 7-11 coffee

8) A bagel is not a bagel everywhere. Must be the water in NY bc the "bagel" here sucks.

9) Rush hour happens outside of NY. Took me 2 hours to go 10 miles one Friday and I almost resorted to peeing on the side of the road. So please, don't tell me rush hour is worse in NY.

10) It is cold and snowy in the South. It still sucks, even though it melts faster.

I hope these lessons have helped you all...if not, I will have to get out the mace. LOL

Emily

WalMart Rocks and NYC needs 1 (or 20)

Ninety percent of the time, I am not a fan of corporate monopoly but this is different. The prices and inventory at WalMart are fabulous! Where else can you buy food, clothes and housewares at the same time?! Exactly. Last week, went food shopping and bought enough to feed my family of 2 for 2 weeks....spent $76. Regular grocery store, would have cost $120-$180. I also tracked down Andrew's birthday gift that had been sold out everywhere since before Christmas  eluding me. Did not expect the Mr. Coffee Frappe Maker to be the hottest gift...in December!!! Almost as popular as the Snuggie.

There is only WalMart in NY & it's by Roosevelt Field. Who wants to drive there on a Saturday or Sunday? Not me. Bloomberg needs to chillax and allow WalMart in the boros already. Don't be scared Mikey, just sit back and watch corporate America work. Not only will shoppers (aka New Yawkers) save money but the stores are so massive that WalMart will pay mucho dinero (big bucks) in taxes. Even with a tax break, with NYC taxes...wowsa. My suggestion to Mikey, the Democratic Independent Republican, be decisive and allow Sam Walton to spread his love (aka Disneyland for Adults) on the people of NYC. If you do this, I will move back tomorrow. LOL Seriously, I would. But don't listen to the Yankee who has been living down South for two years. What do I know? Besides the fact, I have been on this crazy journey and realized WalMart is not as scary as I made it out to be. Yes, I almost forget (oops) that WalMart is not farmers and people missing teeth.It is regular people just trying to save money for better purposes.

Off to WalMart! I need garbage bags & a third stainless steel travel mug. Best invention ever, that stainless steel mug thingy.

Emily

After a Long Hiatus, I'm baaaaaack. Encounter With Wet Nails

Yesterday, was too Emmy not to share & 140 (twitter) characters will not do! Went to get my nails done during my lunch hour, beautiful bronze color. I was so hungry that I could not wait to drive 2 minutes back to the office & then heat up my lunch. Decided I wanted Subway (next to the nail place) and this is what transpired:

Me: (Outloud, to myself) G-d, I never ask for stupid stuff but I really need help. Can you please send me someone trustworthy to open my wallet and get out my debit card? Please make it obvious, so I don't end up asking the Subway lady to do it. Thank you, I know you are busy but I'm truly hungry.

I walk into Subway and there was a van full of gentleman in training to be Sherrif's...wait for it...at the county prison!!! OMG, I asked for an obvious sign and G-d showed himself tenfold. Wooohoooooo

Me to the SIT (Sherrif in Training) in front of me in line: This may sound crazy but I asked G-d to send me someone trustworthy to help me get my debit card out. You are like my angel. My nails are wet and I am really hungry, can you please help me, Sir?

SIT: No problem, Ma'am.

I let him open my purse, my wallet and grab my debit card. So not Emmy but I did have my mace on hand incase this experiment went bad.



Me: Thank you, Sir! Good Luck on training, I know you will do well. In fact, you just helped your first citizen.

SIT: That's true. (He Laughed)

Me: When you tell this crazy encounter to your friends, I have the best punchline.

SIT: That G-d sent me?

ME: And you could always start it, "This crazy Yankee woman..."

SIT: Yes, Ma'am.

I thanked him again and we parted ways...would I have tried this in NY? If it was a van full of NYPD or Nassau County PD, heck yes!!!


Emily